what to do

Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a Mom. I wanted 2 girls to share things with. To be friends with, to do things with them and to share lives with them. Well you know that old saying "be careful what you wish for". I have 2 daughters. Both are unique in their own way. Both are wonderful and loving. But they both drive me up the wall.
I often wonder when I get to do what I want. When I get to say what I want, what I think or give my opinion. When do I get to say no and not feel guilty about it? When will they ever be happy for me because I'm doing or going or seeing what I want? When will they understand that I have feelings that get hurt by words or actions? When will they understand that I've done the best I could for them, that I've always put them first, that I've given up alot to make sure they got what was necessary. When will they understand that I have been there for them and if for some reason I wasn't it wasn't because I was out enjoying myself, it was because I had to work. Being a single mom isn't easy. It was me that had to put a room over their heads, clothes on their backs and food in their tummys. I did my best, I continue to do my best and I will still always be there for them.

Just an update

I'm done babysitting now. I get to sleep in!!!! Today was my first sleep in day and guess what??? I was awake at 8. Actually I was awake at 615 but I went back to sleep.
Don emailed me from Poland. Said he is having a good time and he signed it "love". Sometimes the man just confuses the crap out of me. We are going to the cottage next weekend with Corbin. I'm so looking forward to it. Jess got an increase on her credit card and I suggested we not use it now and maybe in January we could go away. We could got to Florida or maybe if Don is still living in BC I could talk Jess into going out there and seeing BC. Who knows. Florida is probably the better choice. A lot warmer!!!!!!
I still feel like crap. Mostly my back. And I am always soooooo tired. Going to have a nap now. I'll will try really hard to keep this updated more often. Oh yeah I forgot. I hate everyone at DRPS. They all suck and don't give a crap about anyone.

Family Suck

Don is here for a visit. Actually its a stop over on his way to visit his girlfriend in Poland. He and I had a long talk on Sunday night and we are better off as friends then anything else. But it still doesn't make it any easier when you love someone to watch them move on. It like my heart was broken all over again. Build the wall, stay behind the wall and don't let anyone in. That way youd on't get hurt. We had a family dinner at Willie's house yesterday as well. John couldn't come because he had to work. So we had Willie, Harold, Gail, Jess, Corbin, Gus, Me and Sara. Of course Sara has to get all pissed off at Jess and yell at her because Jess took Corbin with her to the store. I have just had it with Sara. I spoke to her on the phone today and apparently I nag her about everything but she didn't want to get into right now. We'll talk later. So I ask later after my surgery and she says like in 6 months and I said no after Wednesday. She says I didn't know it was a surgical procedure. What the hell does she think it is???? I have to go into the hospital, be put to sleep and have a freaking tube stuffed down my throat. Yeah whatever. She can do whatever she wants when ever she wants and without me. I'm tiried of this shit I really am. As long as everyone acts and speaks and does what she wants everything is great. Well I'm tired of playing by those rules so she can do whatever she wants and if she blows out her stomach well, not my problem. I offered to look after the kids until she sees the doctor. Her choice if she declines. Oh yeah she is pissed too cuz yesterday I wouldn't drop everything and run over and watch the kids so she could go on the boat with Don and John. I don't have a life. I don't have anything to do. Well everyone can just go to hell. I'm gonna do what is going to make me happy and the rest of them can go......well you get the idea.

Its too hot

Its hot here. I mean really hot. So hot that you feel sick to your stomach hot. Anyway, should I talk about the weather or..................I love my grand babies. They are both awesome. Corbin is amazing. I taught him to spell his name. He can't say it but he can spell it!! and Gus is learning how to crawl. Time sure flies as you get older. I'm getting my knee fixed. I'm excited. There really is something wrong with it but the good news is they can fix it. My back is screwed up and I"m waiting to see a specialist for that and next Wednesday I am having a tube put down into my stomach to find out what is wrong with it. My life is wonderful. Don is coming to visit and meet Gus this weekend. I was kind of told in a not too subtle way that I'm not to "horn" in on his time here. He is here to see The Dempsters, not me. Yeah well he is a grown man and we'll see. I don't want him back in my life but I still consider him to be a friend. I'm tired of the attitude that is coming from that family too. You'd think it was a major operation that too place. The world must stop now!!!!! Everyone must help the princess. I frigging hate it. Sometimes I would like a little help. I get a ton of help from Jess. Without her I don't know what I would do..........